Dear American People,
When Great British people are not making tea, fussing about the Queen or fighting, they are usually found in front of their televisions watching "Top Gear."
If you haven't guessed, "Top Gear" is a show about cars, or rather what you might call "jack-arsing" about in cars: driving them too fast, turning them into boats and space shuttles. Yes, we did that, we really did. Our trip to outer space, however, didn't go so well.
We are three of the least attractive men on television, anywhere in the world. Well, two of us are. One is really quite pretty, but short. We have a fourth team member who might not be a man at all. He's a racing driver. We call him the Stig. We don't know much about him other than that he's very fast.
We don't know much about anything, really, other than that cars are a good thing once you know what to do with them. Opposite is something we scrawled on the back of a beer coaster years ago, when we started this malarkey -- a "Top Gear" road map. Don't get lost.